


The Godfather's Son

by tallestgirlonearth



Series: Barisi Crime AU's [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate universe - Mafia, Barisi genres & tropes challenge, Crimes & Criminals, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Inspired by The Godfather (1972), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29822589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tallestgirlonearth/pseuds/tallestgirlonearth
Summary: Sonny Carisi, the beloved youngest child of Dominick and Tessa Carisi returns home after three years of college. He's eager to put his JD to use, but his father, head of the Carisi family and all their business enterprises, has different plans.Sonny begins a dangerous tightrope walk, seeking to juggle his own hopes and dreams as well as his family's expectations. The presence of Dominick Senior'sconsigliereRafael Barba could tip the scales and change all their lives forever.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Series: Barisi Crime AU's [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195379
Comments: 9
Kudos: 23
Collections: Barisi Genres & Tropes Challenge





	The Godfather's Son

**Author's Note:**

> My first entry for the Barisi Genres & Tropes Challenge includes two of my favourites: I love AU's and I'm a big fan of crime dramas...kinda obvious, considering the fandom I'm writing this for!  
> My primary inspiration for this is the 1972 movie The Godfather with Marlon Brando and Al Pacino. I love it because it's not a slasher movie and all about graphic violence, but more about subtlety, threat and blackmail. 
> 
> Be advised, there are descriptions of violence and gay bashing, as well as strong homophobic language!

The party is already in full swing when Sonny steps out of the cab, glad to stretch his legs after a thirteen-hour journey and a ride all the way from JFK to his parent’s house on Staten Island. He’d really like to take a long, hot, shower and have a nap, but the front yard is bursting with people – privacy is a luxury with the Carisi family, and everyone is too excited to finally welcome Dominick and Tessa’s youngest back home to give much thought as to his feelings on the matter.

Sonny should be used to it, but he’s been away at college for years, and has spent the past six months travelling around Italy as a final hurrah before grown-up working life. Nearly four years away from home are long enough to forget many things.

His niece Mia is the first one who spots him.

“Uncle Sonny!” The young girl’s shriek is piercing enough to be heard over the general din of chatter and old-fashion Italian pop songs, and everyone’s head swivels around. Sonny gives Mia a hug and then grins at her.

“Hi, pipsqueak. Lookin’ like real lady today, huh? What happened to the girl who only wanted to wear trousers and thought a comb equalled a death sentence?”

Mia giggles and gives a little twirl in her pretty mint-and-white polka-dot dress. “Well, _duh_ , she grew up, Uncle Sonny!”

Her mother Teresa, Sonny’s oldest sister, walks up to them.

“You’ve been gone for years, Sonny. Lotsa things have changed here.”

She’s smiling, but her eyes are cool. Teresa’s driven and ambitious, and Sonny often thinks she resents him for being allowed to blow off steam, to move a little more freely in the world than the women in the family are allowed. It’s the 21st century, but the Carisis are an old-fashioned, very Catholic family, and in their universe, women are still supposed to be homemakers, no matter how intelligent and educated they may be.

“Sure, Teresa,” Sonny says placatingly, not wanting to get into it with her straight away, “but I’m back now. So, can I get a hug or what?”

Teresa still looks reserved, but moves in for a half-hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Her cool welcome is made up for with the way everybody else immediately zeroes in on Sonny afterwards. Gina and Bella, their other siblings, dozens of cousins various degrees removed, and finally, Sonny’s parents.

His mother still looks radiant and pretty in her flowery skirt and blouse, but there are more lines in her face that don’t come from laughter. His father looks impeccable in a linen suit and hat, much like the older gentlemen in the streets of Palermo, but he too shows signs of age that Sonny can’t remember being there before. His posture is a lot more stooped, and Sonny feels a slight tremble in his father’s hands, as they come up to cup his face.

“Sonny, figlio mio…”

He greets Sonny just as warmly as formally, kissing both of his cheeks.

All other guests observe their reunion, and there is a brief moment of silence.

When Dominick draws back and claps his son on the back, the chatter picks up again.

“Come, come, Sonny, sit. Sit and eat something! Tessa, get him a plate, will you?” Sonny’s mother immediately hurries off to the buffet, and his father pushes him towards a seat. “Here, son, have a drink. You look like you could use one.”

Sonny carefully nips at the scotch placed in front of him.

“Thanks for the party, Dad. That’s definitely a welcome.”

Dominick grins, satisfied. “It is, am I right? Ain’t nobody doing a party quite the way the Carisis do it! And of course everybody wanted to come! The family, we all know they never miss an opportunity to eat too much lasagne, and there are some people who you should meet.”

Dominick’s smile is still warm and pleased, but his aura has shifted slightly, and Sonny understands he’s not just talking to his dad anymore, but to Mr. Carisi, shrewd investor and friend to many other _businesses_ in the area. He hates that side of the Carisi family life, and it was the main impetus for him to attend college on the other side of the country. He hasn’t quite figured out how to deal with the family’s entrepreneurial efforts now that he’s back in the fold, but he supposes his choices are limited either way.

“Ah, here we are already,” Dominick says and waves at somebody behind Sonny’s back. He turns around, only to have his mouth go dry and any thought at all evaporate in his brain.

The most gorgeous man Sonny has ever seen saunters towards them, dressed to the nines in a blue-and-purple chequered suit and vest, a white shirt and a lavender tie with a subtle paisley pattern. He’s not all that tall, but that doesn’t matter, because he radiates confidence and charm enough to make everyone else in the vicinity pale in comparison. His hair is cropped shorter at the sides and longer on top of his head, swept across in a fluffy, elegant swoop, and his striking green eyes come to rest on Sonny for a moment. Then, the man leans over and shakes Dominick’s hand.

“Rafael, my friend. You remember Sonny, I’m sure. All grown up now…and back home for good, isn’t that great?”

Rafael Barba was born in the Bronx to Cuban parents, has been educated at Harvard, and oozes the Manhattan brand of sophistication, yet despite all these differences, he is Dominick’s closest advisor, and legal counsel.

His _consigliere,_ to use the appropriate terminology.

He was also the reason for teenage Sonny’s gay awakening, and the star of many many wet dreams ever since. Even though Sonny’s had his fair share of hook-ups at college, his subconscious never let go of the man now in front of him. Obviously, Rafael has never paid him much attention, always busy taking care of things for the family, and surrounded by powerful men and beautiful women.

Just like now, really.

“Of course I remember your son, Dominick. Loud and limbs all over the place, although it seems like you’ve grown into them, haven’t you?” That last subjoinder is directed at Sonny, and Rafael finally gives him another look and a perfunctory nod. “Welcome home, Sonny,” is all he says, and then he turns and greets Sonny’s uncle Salvatore.

Dominick gazes after Rafael with a shrewd eye and pleased expression. They’re close, and Sonny knows there is nobody his dad trusts more than Rafael Barba. Not even his own wife.

“You know, now that you’ve got your degree, I thought you might want to put all of that to practical use. Whaddaya say, son? Business degree and JD in tax law, you could shadow Rafael some, learn the ropes…”

It sounds like a friendly and well-meant suggestion, but Sonny knows it’s everything but.

“Sure, Dad,” he replies. Well, at the very least it’s an opportunity to spend time with Rafael.

Who knows, maybe something will happen – or more likely, Sonny will get roundly ignored as a man, and will finally get the needed push to move on from his infatuation.

\---

After a long chat with Dominick, Rafael bids his goodbyes to the other Carisis and assorted acquaintances, and moves towards the curb to wait for his Uber back to the city. It’s been a long day. Not only did he spend half of the morning at a brunch sponsored by the New York Bar Association, rubbing shoulders with colleagues and gladhanding anyone who could potentially be a useful contact, no, he spent all afternoon in court, trying to get some of the family’s more ham-fisted contractors out of trouble. Wholly undeserved of course, they are all textbook thugs, but that is why the family keeps him on retainer. Sometimes he wonders how this is his life. He would have preferred to become a civil rights attorney, but that was before Dominick Carisi saved his life at a bar brawl gone out of hand in Boston. It hadn’t taken him long at all to find out there was more to the jovial Italian than met the eye, but he owed the man a debt – and Dominick had jumped at the chance to have a lawyer with an Ivy League education. Rafael had drawn up some boundaries, some lines he wasn’t willing to cross despite his status as _consigliere,_ and it’s worked out well for all of them. Despite being Cuban and from the Bronx, the Carisis treat him as one of their own.

Which means he’s expected to attend any and all family celebrations. Birthdays, baptisms, first communions, funerals, summer cookouts, the list is endless and it includes welcoming back Dominick and Tessa’s only son.

Dominick Carisi Jr, who has always gone by the nickname his mother had bestowed upon him, not even a year after his birth. It fit, because he had inherited Tessa’s sweet and equable temper, and was perhaps the most effortlessly kind person Rafael had ever met. Even as a boy, it was hard to feel upset, or weary, when the little boy was around with his huge blue eyes, wide smile, and loud chatter.

The little boy is an adult now, but the captivating eyes are the same. He has grown into his limbs and doesn’t seem to be awkward and gangly anymore, and holds himself with a lithe grace that makes it very hard for Rafael to look away. His mouth is even worse, because those full pink lips look as sinful as hell, and Rafael wants so badly to taste them. Still, he could deal with the physical attraction – he could brush it aside and let it only surface at night when he’s alone in his bed – if it wasn’t for the man’s character. He’s still as sweet and earnest as he ever was, kindness and forbearance with his temperamental family coming to him like second nature, and Rafael, being surrounded by criminals and morally ambiguous people like himself, is a sucker for a genuinely _good_ man.

Oh yeah, Rafael remembers Sonny Carisi, all right.

He had to tamp down hard on any kind of reaction that would give him away, even though there had been a flicker of something – perhaps disappointment – in the young man’s eyes at Rafael’s perfunctory greeting, because it can’t be any other way.

First off, he’s thirteen years older than Sonny, and a bastard on most days. Sonny deserves better.

Secondly, Rafael may be the _consigliere_ and a trusted family friend, but at the end of the day he is still an outsider. He’s not Italian-American, he can never truly be part of Sonny’s world.

Thirdly, and that’s the real deal breaker here, Sonny is the only son of the family, the crown prince of an aggressively Catholic and homophobic crime empire, and even _thinking_ about him in _that way_ should be completely off limits. Rafael had to basically deny his sexuality ever since he went into business with Dominick Carisi, only daring to let off some steam in gay clubs where anyone who recognised him would have a few skeletons of their own. If Dominick found out about Rafael’s attraction to Sonny, he would have his balls off with a rusty kitchen knife. And that would be just the start.

Sonny Carisi is the best, and the absolute worst kind of trouble, and speak of the devil, he comes jogging towards Rafael just when the Uber pulls up at the curb.

“Hey, Rafael, hold up a sec.”

Rafael already has the car door open to show Sonny that a second is all he will get, and looks at the young man with an eyebrow lifted questioningly.

“What is it?”

Sonny nervously scratches the back of his neck – a teenage habit that should absolutely _not_ be endearing, but somehow makes Rafael simultaneously melt and preen a little under that searching gaze.

“So, uh, my pops talk to you about his idea yet? That he wants me to…”

Rafael finishes the fumbling question. “That he wants you to trail me at work and have me play babysitter? Yes, I have been informed.”

Sonny looks less nervous now that he knows he doesn’t have to break any unwelcome news to Rafael, and flashes him a grin.

“Great! I mean – that’s cool, it will be an amazing opportunity for me to find my footing, in the real world so to speak. And don’t worry, I got my degree and my JD and all, I have a lot to learn, but I was among the top ten percent of my year, I’m not a complete idiot, you know? I won’t be in your way, I’ll help out whichever way you want me to, I can even start tomorrow if you like?”

Tomorrow’s Saturday, a fact that Sonny seems to have completely forgotten amidst his enthusiastic ramblings. Rafael usually does work on a Saturday, but he thinks Sonny deserves a little time to get used to being back in New York. And he definitely needs the day fortify his inner defences against blue eyes, dimples and a smile bright enough to power all of Manhattan. He has no idea how to hide his inappropriate crush, but he needs to find a way.

“That won’t be necessary. Tomorrow’s Saturday, after all. Come to my office on Monday. We can talk specifics then.” He fishes a card out of his wallet, one of the stack that includes his cell number and is only handed out to a few very select people. “If I’m not there, either call me or if something has come up, my secretary will let you know. Have a good weekend.”

Sonny takes his card and examines it closely, runs a fingertip across the slightly raised letters of Rafael’s name.

“Thanks, I will,” he says, smiling sweetly. “I’ll see you on Monday, Rafael!”

\---

“This is a Hail Mary motion if ever I saw one – there’s no way this will work, and the ADA knows it.”

Sonny puts his legal pad down and moves to take a big gulp from his beer bottle. Rafael grins at him.

“Should you be saying that, as a good Catholic?”

Sonny laughs.

“The worst that can happen are a few additional Our Father’s and I’m good. Seriously though, why won’t the prosecution just plead this out? They have no case here.”

Rafael sighs.

“The DA’s office wants to score political points here. They want to be seen as cracking down on organised crime, and intimidation of upstanding citizens. I told your father he should cut his ties with D’Amico and his crew, they’re nothing but trouble and stupid enough to get caught. But as long as he doesn’t listen to me, we’ll have to spend our days explaining to a jury why the hired muscle is innocent after all, and that it was ‘all a misunderstanding, really, your Honor.’”

Rafael’s last words are laced with sarcasm, an imitation of the standard weak-ass excuse any perp has to offer, and Sonny grins. He never takes Rafael’s grumpiness and frustration personally, hell, he even finds his inability to use anything else than sarcasm amusing. Not to mention the fact that personal cut-downs only seem to fuel Sonny’s desire to prove his worth in Rafael’s eyes.

In short, none of Rafael’s usual tactics to distance himself from other people have worked - quite the opposite, in fact.

Sonny is extremely hard-working and bright, and has become a cross between paralegal and junior partner in Rafael’s one-man firm. Carmen, the secretary, loves him, and Rafael has come to rely on his insights to an alarming extent. They work amazingly well together, and that’s just the business side of their arrangement.

Rafael’s sure Dominick didn’t plan it that way, but having his son work with Rafael means the younger man spends a lot of late nights at the office, and has moved into a little flat in Manhattan in order to save time otherwise spent commuting. The late nights usually involve takeout and, sometimes, a drink or two at Rafael’s favourite watering hole, Forlini’s. It belongs to a cousin thirteen times removed or something, which means that nobody in the family gives one damn about what happens there, but neither do any rivalling families. For Rafael, it’s a peaceful refuge and safe haven all in one, and since going there has begun to include having Sonny’s company, it’s quickly turning into his favourite place in the whole city.

They mostly talk shop, because Rafael is a workaholic and Sonny genuinely wants to learn, but the longer the arrangement continues the more personal their conversations get. Rafael opens up a little about his upbringing, and Sonny actually reveals how much his years away at college have changed his perspective – not only on Staten Island, but also on his family and everything they’ve built. He tells Rafael that he’s not willing to turn his back on them, but that he sincerely hopes he can change some of the revenue streams, switch out business partners, and the like. Rafael reads between the lines and understands that Sonny doesn’t want to be a criminal and would like to at least intensify the part of his family’s efforts that are above board. As the _consigliere_ and Dominick’s loyal friend, he should probably give him a heads up that his son wants to turn the family around, but as a lawyer and someone who ended up in his role by path dependency instead of choice, he can’t say he’s against Sonny’s propositions. He’s always been careful about upholding a reputation as a respectable man, but his connections could put him in danger, and he’d quite like to be able to get rid of the gun he keeps at home and get an easy night’s sleep again. On top of that, not having to defend Neanderthals in court would do wonders for his temper.

So, Sonny talks about a golden future which doesn’t involve shady dealings and dangerous connections, and Rafael listens. He listens and at night he gets caught up in fantasies about how all of these wonderful changes might lead to a future for him and Sonny.

\---

Sonny knows his family and their way of doing things intimately, and he should have known the other shoe would drop eventually. Being off Staten Island, living in Manhattan and spending most of his days with Rafael was a dream, so wonderful it couldn’t possibly last.

But even though Sonny is everything but naïve, he never believed fate could be cruel enough to not only end this brief period of happiness, but shatter all his secretly held hopes at the same time.

It happens one Saturday evening when he’s home with his parents and sisters. They’ve finished a long and luxurious barbecue and are still sitting outside, enjoying the balmy air and a cold beer, when there is a commotion in the driveway, and Sonny’s uncle Sal comes stomping into the back garden.

He’s red-faced and sweaty, and Dominick is already pulling him inside before Sal even opens his mouth.

“We need to talk, Dom. And you need to call Rafael, immediately.”

Dominick waves for Sonny to follow them into the study, because this is clearly shaping up to be a legal matter, and Sonny is part of the business now.

Once the doors are locked, Dominick settles into the big armchair and gives Sal an appraising look. “I’m not calling Rafael before I know what exactly is going on here.”

“What’s going on? How about your nephew Michael is a _finocchio,_ a friggin’ mo, and some of the boys taught him a lesson about where to stick it, and now they’re in trouble with the boys in blue!”

Dominick’s face has taken on a thunderous expression and Sonny holds his breath.

“Is that true?” Dominick asks. “How do you know about Michael?”

Michael is the son of Dominick’s younger sister Maria, Sonny’s aunt. He’s a couple years older and Sonny had always looked up to him when he was younger. Michael had a sparkling personality and could draw in people effortlessly. He had always been so sure of his place in life and Sonny had deeply envied his charms and his confidence. Except now he wonders how much of the real Michael he knows, and whether this admiration he felt for the other boy didn’t so much stem from Michael’s colourful character as from Sonny’s internal confusion.

“Well, my Tony and his crew from New Dorp were out for a night in the city, you know? And they walk along one of them streets in SoHo or what the hell it’s called, and there’s a couple of them fags hangin’ out in the street. And Tony tells me they didn’t wanna do nothin’, because there were so many people around and Barba just got him off on that pimpin’ charge, but one of them sissy boys calls out for his darlin’ and what do you know, there’s Michael Merino comin’ out of a bar. He was wearin’ one of them mesh tops and friggin’ eyeliner and all but there was no mistakin’ him. Hell, you know Tony and him were in Little League for ages, they’re practically brothers, Tony would recognise him anywere. So, they see Michael and they can’t believe it, obviously, so they tell the other guy to keep his hands off him. But Michael? He starts tellin’ Tony to back off, that he’s got it all wrong, and..I mean, there’s no way any of them got it wrong, Dom, you shoulda seen the get-up and the crowds. Michael is one of ‘em homos and when he wouldn’t shut up and come with Tony, my boy got angry and whacked him around a little. Only then some other fags get involved as well and before you know it there’s a full-on brawl and the fags start screamin’ for the cops.”

Sonny’s stomach is churning at his uncle’s description of what is most likely a brutal gay bashing instead of “a little whacking around”. He knows Tony and the kind of crowd he runs with. His dad doesn’t look upset in the least, though, just intensely furious.

“Where’s Tony now?”

“Him and his friends got picked up by the unis and some lady detectives from the 16th Precinct, Special Victims Unit. They’re in holding, and when Tony got his one call in he said the DA wanted to have them arraigned as soon as. Overwhelming load of evidence, he said.”

“I’ll say”, Dominick interrupts. “Your boy’s got his heart in the right place, but he never knew when and where to pick his battles. Least of all when it comes to these…special victims.”

The disgust in his father’s voice makes bile rise in Sonny’s mouth. He was raised Catholic same as every Carisi since the beginning of time, probably, but he’s known for quite a while that he doesn’t share the same views about the finer interpretation of the Scriptures.

“Okay, Sal, I’ll call Rafael. You go home and get a phone tree started, tell everyone to keep their heads down and mouths shut for the time being. We don’t want any attention.”

Sal nods and leaves. Dominick turns towards Sonny.

“Son, I think you better head back to Manhattan. Rafael will probably need you to fix this mess, so it’s better you get some rest closer to your workplace, alright?”

“Yeah, Dad,” Sonny says and he’s scared by how hollow his voice sounds.

Damn.

If he’s to be involved in this in any way, he has to get a grip.

Fortunately there are none so blind as those who will not see, so his father interprets his despondency as disappointment in Michael.

“I know you were close to him when you were younger, Sonny, but you should really be glad that Michael left. You don’t want to be associated with a dirty manwhore like him.”

Dominick pats his cheek.

“You’re a good boy. You’d never do something like that to your old man.”

Sonny nods and gives his dad a weak smile.

“I’ll head out now. See you soon, Dad.”

\---

At home in Manhattan, Sonny drinks an entire sixpack of beer followed by some whiskey chasers, and tries to forget about what will await him at work tomorrow. When his thoughts turn to Rafael as soon as his head hits the pillow, he presses his face into the fabric and muffles his screams until he’s hoarse and exhausted.

\---

Rafael comes rushing into his office, dumps his coat and briefcase on his desk and immediately turns to his secretary.

“Carmen, I need you to push all my appointments for this morning back. I have to appear in court and I don’t know how long the arraignments will take.”

Carmen, well used to her boss’s temper and generally stressed disposition, just nods. “How far back?”

“Depends on how full my calendar is.”

“You have the Bonafonte trial coming up and Buchanan wants to meet you for that, see if you two can offer the ADA a deal to get both your clients out. There’s also more arraignment court on Wednesday, a lunch with your mother, a fundraiser for the Detectives’ Endowment Association you really should attend, contract negotiations Mr. Carisi wants you to sit in on. Should I go on?”

Rafael sighs. He’s told Dominick time and again he’s no freaking contract lawyer and that he’s too busy with criminal proceedings against members of the wider Carisi clan, but the man doesn’t take no for an answer. Just like he wasn’t interested in hearing Rafael’s explanations of why getting Tony Carisi out of facing hate crime charges is a bad idea.

“Just cancel everything today, Carmen. If anyone needs me urgently, have them schedule another appointment. And where the hell is Carisi? He’s supposed to go over the Bonafonte files this morning?”

Today, of all days, Rafael could really use the legal (and moral) support. However, when Sonny storms into the office about twenty minutes later, it becomes very clear that Rafael will get no support whatsoever.

The younger man gives Carmen a terse nod instead of the usually chipper hello, walks into Rafael’s office and slams the door shut behind himself. Rafael lifts an eyebrow at the uncharacteristic show of anger – as much leeway as he’s giving Sonny, this is still his practice and Rafael thinks he ought to remind Sonny that he’s just here because his father wants him to be.

“Did somebody spit in your espresso this morning, Mr. Carisi?”

“Don’t give me that,” Sonny bites out, “don’t you dare be flippant about the shit show you’re complicit in.”

At Sonny’s accusing words, all traces of goodwill in Rafael vanish, and he fixes the younger man with an icy stare.

“I beg your pardon?”

Sonny scoffs, and Rafael’s anger goes up a notch. But if the younger man notices, it’s certainly not enough to make him back off.

“I’m talking about your new case _, counsellor_.” Sonny’s words are challenging, and Rafael has to remind himself that he doesn’t appreciate Sonny’s behaviour, otherwise the twinge in his heart would gain the upper hand – when he imagined the younger man calling him by his title, it never sounded so…contemptuous.

“Tony Carisi, self-made man and philanthropist, trying to rid the world of one faggot at a time. That must be how Uncle Sal pitched it to you, isn’t that right? I can’t believe you would take that case! Hell, there _is_ no case, those thugs recognised Michael and zoned right in on him. He’s in the hospital now, with a concussion, three broken ribs and a ruptured spleen!”

“I’m aware of the facts,” Rafael replies, fighting hard to keep his voice even.

“Are you? Good? Then how about we talk about the fact that this fulfils every single requirement of the hate crime statute? It was a gay bashing, no doubt about it, and you’ll lose in court. And what’s more, if you go forward, you’ll show yourself in cahoots with the worst kind of prejudicial, homophobic bigots!”

It’s unwise to let Sonny get a rise out of him, but being accused of homophobia, even indirectly, is too much for Rafael.

“Are you done?” he snaps at Sonny. “As far as I am aware, you’re not the attorney here. You’re not making the decisions, you just follow your Daddy’s orders. As does Cousin Tony, as does your Uncle Sal. This is _your_ family, so why don’t you get on their case? Oh, that’s right, because you’re all good Catholics living in your pretty little Staten Island suburbia and that status quo is not to be upset at any cost! There’s no place for gay people in that world, in _your_ world, so get with the program, pull your head out of your ass and start working!”

Rafael can’t remember the last time he ever lost his cool like that, but he’s been feeling raw and unsettled ever since Dominick called him last night. The case, and he shudders to call it that and give it a legal veneer, it hits too close to home for him, and the last thing he expected was Sonny Carisi giving him more of a hard time.

However, Sonny seems done yelling at him.

He just deflates in front of Rafael. “That’s it? Get to work defending a gay-basher? Is that it?”

“What else did you expect to happen at an attorney’s office?”

Sonny looks at the ground and lets out an incredulous, desperate little laugh.

“I don’t know. I know you didn’t always run with my father, that you went to Harvard and had very different life from us. Maybe I‘ve been thinking you wouldn’t subscribe to the Staten Island gospel that he’s preaching?

He meets Rafael’s gaze, fear and hope warring in his blue eyes.

“Unless that is exactly what you think…that you really believe it was okay for Michael Merino to get beaten half to death just because he kissed a man.”

Sonny looks so broken, lost and sad, that – confronted with his accusations – Rafael doesn’t even think to deflect and answers honestly.

“Of course not! I don’t condone violence like that – it only makes things worse, I learned that early enough. Violence never helps, as I tried to tell your father many times.”

When he says that, Rafael thinks of his father and the machismo deeply ingrained into the Cuban men who influenced his childhood. Growing up in the Bronx taught him many lessons and he still carries Miguel Barba’s teachings on obedience and acceptable forms of life on his back. Rafael’s never told a soul about those beatings, just like he never openly admitted the truth about himself to anyone apart from his old childhood friends and one or two hook-ups in his early Harvard days.

But today’s the day, as it seems, and since Rafael Barba always goes big, he reveals the most intimate parts of himself to a man who could utterly destroy him with one ill-advised word to the wrong person. His only saving grace would be Sonny not connecting the dots, but Rafael sees how the young man’s head shot up during his little speech, and knows that ship has sailed.

\---

Sonny just stares at Rafael, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. He’s sure he looks like a prize idiot, something he’d usually be mortified about when in Rafael’s company, but he doesn’t care right now, not when said man stares right back, pale as a ghost and looking like the proverbial deer in the headlights.

This can’t be possible. Rafael can’t possibly have meant to say what he just did.

Except he didn’t say anything, other than voicing his disdain for violence.

But.

There were _implications,_ weren’t there? About why Rafael doesn’t condone gay bashings?

And he spoke so vehemently, so passionately, too.

“What do you…Rafael, are you…?” Sonny trails off, not knowing how to end that sentence. But Rafael grows even paler somehow and takes a step back, like he expects Sonny to lunge at him any second, and Sonny thinks he has his answer.

He doesn’t think any further, just crosses the room in two steps, grabs Rafael’s face and plants a kiss on the man’s mouth.

It’s not his most soulful display, but he’s too emotionally overwrought to worry about the finer details when this may be his only chance to ever touch Rafael like he’s wanted to for so long. Who knows, the man might push him off any second, chase him out of his office, and call Sonny’s dad – either way, he’d be done for.

But if this is how Sonny goes down, he’ll do so without regret.

Except nothing of the above happens.

Rafael doesn’t kiss back, but he doesn’t push him away either. They separate when they need to draw breath, and their faces remain close enough that Sonny can count the freckles spread across Rafael’s nose and cheekbones.

“What the hell are you doing,” Rafael rasps out, but he doesn’t sound mad.

“Kissing you. That much should be obvious.”

“ _Why?_ ”

Sonny can’t help but laugh. “Because I want to. Have wanted to, for ages.”

They’re still holding on to another, hands clutching at lapels and wrinkling shirts, so Rafael’s next words don’t hold a lot of weight.

“You can’t. We can’t. You saw what happened to your cousin. You’re the _crown prince_ , the next in line after your father, for God’s sake!”

Sonny shrugs. “So? Who I am, what I am, or you, it doesn’t matter, Rafael. Sure, my family would come after the both of us of they found out, but we know them too well, and we’re not gonna _let_ them. Michael was careless. It’s not gonna happen to us.”

In the face of so much reckless optimism, the fear of what’s going to happen almost chokes Rafael, but he forces the words out nonetheless.

“You can’t know that. Your father has eyes and ears everywhere, whether on Staten Island or in Manhattan. And if it’s not his people, then his enemies would come after you just the same, only to hurt your family.”

“I know they would.” Sonny keeps his voice level, and his body open and angled towards Rafael, so the man knows he’s not going to shy away from this. “But I’ve kept this secret successfully for years, Rafael, and so have you. They won’t find out because they wouldn’t even suspect us in the first place. You, my father’s most trusted advisor, and me, the perfect son? Never.”

He steps close to Rafael once more, taking the man’s fists and uncurling them so he can intertwine their fingers.

“I’m tired of hiding how I feel, Rafael. I think after all the shit we have to deal with and keep mum about every day, we deserve this small bit of happiness, don’t you think?”

Rafael shakes his head, but doesn’t step away, he just mumbles, “we can’t”, again and again. Sonny leans in.

“Yes”, he whispers, ghosting his lips across Rafael’s. “Yes, we can.”

And, finally, Rafael’s mouth parts under his, and the older man’s hands come up, one wrapping around his shoulders, the other gently cradling the back of his head. All resistance is gone, and Sonny sinks into the pressure of slightly chapped lips against his, a deliciously warm and wet mouth opening up for him. He chases the taste of Rafael’s morning coffee with his tongue, and when Rafael licks into his own mouth with a sinful flick, he can’t help but moan.

Rafael jerks back.

“Shhh! Carmen is right outside that door.”

“Sorry, I’m sorry”, Sonny apologises in a low voice, filled with raw emotion.

Damn. Already lost control, and it was just their first kiss.

But instead of telling him off, Rafael just gives him a crooked smile, and runs his hands over Sonny, trying to fix his dishevelled appearance.

“Not here, where literally anyone could walk in.”

That’s not the dismissal Sonny was expecting, so he nods eagerly.

“Okay.”

Rafael’s hand comes to linger on Sonny’s cheek.

“Come and stay over at my apartment tonight? If anyone from the family asks, we can always blame your cousin Tony and the excess amount of work he’s given us.”

“Yes,” Sonny says, breathless, leaning into Rafael’s caress, “always, yes.”

\----

It’s insane, what they’re doing.

Half a year has passed, and Rafael is still thrilled and scared shitless in equal measure.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to how wonderful, how _right_ it feels to hold Sonny close at night, and he sure as hell hopes he never will.

They have established something of a routine. Sonny comes to work for him every day, and he’s graduated from being an unofficial help to officially, legally being on the payroll. It’s a good deal for everyone, and Sonny’s father is very pleased that the idea to park his son with Rafael worked out so well. After work, Sonny stays in Manhattan from Monday to Thursday. He keeps an apartment in Hell’s Kitchen, and takes care to be seen there often enough to appease nosy neighbours, just in case anybody ever comes asking for him. In truth, he doesn’t sleep there more than one night a week, spending all his free time with Rafael instead. On Fridays, Sonny goes out for dinner and drinks with some cousins and whoever makes it, and then drives home to his parents. He stays on Staten Island until Sunday dinner, long enough to appear present and engaged, to play with his sisters’ children and listen to his father’s booming voice imparting the wisdom of generations of Carisi’s, both this side of the pond and back in the home country in Sicily. He drives back to Manhattan late in the evening, because his mother never wants to let go, and begins the whole cycle anew.

Whenever Sonny returns to the office, Rafael notices his low spirits immediately. They have talked about it at length, how keeping up appearances is exhausting. It’s worse for him than for Rafael, he even admitted as much himself.

“I’m stretched thin, Rafi”, he’d said one evening, curled up against Rafael on the sofa. “I know I said we could do it, and I never, _ever_ , want to lose you. But my dad is dropping more and more hints about introducing me properly to his business partners, and before long, that would mean I have to stop working for you. And if goes this far, I’ll be under constant surveillance, and only get to see you’re an hour a day.”

“We knew this was always what your father wanted. You, taking over the family enterprise, so to speak.” It wasn’t an accusation, just a simple fact.

“Yes”, Sonny sighed, “and this mess is my fault because I thought I could hold him off for a while yet. I don’t want to take over, that’s the thing, I want to be an attorney. I could never be a prosecutor, not with my family background, but at least I can do some good, defending some poor sap who’s just as out of choices as I am.”

“Do you really feel like you’re out of choices?” Rafael asked, hoping to God it wasn’t true, that Sonny hadn’t reached the end of his tether so fast. He already felt guilty every time he noticed Sonny’s frustration, because if it weren’t for their relationship having to be kept a secret, Sonny would carry less weight. Objectively, he knew that it was Sonny who convinced him to start a relationship in the first place, because the younger man wanted that small bit of happiness for them, as he’d put it, but even Rafael Barba, stone-faced defense attorney to the most hardened criminals, wasn’t entirely immune against matter of the heart.

In fact, he had no defences at all when it came to Sonny Carisi, which was why his boyfriend’s next words filled him with a sick sense of foreboding.

“No, I know I still have a choice left. But it’s not one that ends well, whichever way I look at it.”

That conversation had happened four months into their relationship, and nothing much has changed. They meet in secret, using their four days during the workweek to go on dates and do all the other normal couple things, and come up with all kinds of excuses as to why their evenings are never free, even though both of them are single, as far as everyone else is concerned.

It speaks volumes as to Rafael’s feelings that not even imagining all the ways in which Dominick Carisi will kill him if he ever finds out about them is enough to make Rafael come to his senses. He’s so in love that facing near-certain death at the hand of an Italian-American mobster is preferable to letting his boyfriend go. Sonny feels the same, and he seizes every opportunity to remind Rafael how happy he is.

“This - you and me, Rafi – is all I ever wanted, and never thought I could have”, he will say, and make Rafael’s heart go into overdrive.

“I’ll never leave you. No matter what happens, I’ll be with you, whichever way you want me,” Rafael will reply and feel Sonny’s lips peppering sweet kisses all over his face seconds later.

Again, it’s Sonny’s family who throws their lives in disarray.

It’s Friday evening, so Rafael is on his sofa, feet up on the table, having a working dinner with some particularly tricky briefs and a generous helping of Sonny’s carbonara. Sonny got a call earlier in the afternoon and headed out to Staten Island, and Rafael hasn’t heard from him since. The radio silence is unusual, but Rafael isn’t worried. It’s better Sonny focuses on whatever needs his attention instead of texting Rafael and prompting unnecessary questions from his family. Rafael doesn’t expect any other visitors, so he’s more than surprised when the doorbell rings, followed by a persistent knocking.

He’s halfway to the door when he hears his boyfriend’s voice calling, “Rafi, it’s me!” There’s an urgency in his voice that makes Rafael hurry, and when he opens the door he feels his stomach drop.

Sonny is pale as a ghost; his eyes are red-rimmed, wide with terror, and his cheeks wet. Rafael pulls him over the threshold and straight into a hug. He feels Sonny’s tears wet his shirt collar, choked little sobs echoing in the otherwise quiet apartment, and several long minutes pass before Sonny is able to speak.

“Dad…he had a heart attack.”

Oh.

Rafael already makes a mental list of all he can do to support Sonny – giving him time off, cancelling appointments, asking Carmen to do research, ordering a care package from Sonny’s favourite deli so he can eat something at the hospital – but his boyfriend isn’t done yet.

“It was a mild one, he just got sent home with new meds, but…” he draws a shuddering breath, “he arranged for me to meet with all the underbosses. Said it’s time for me to step up.” Sonny’s voice breaks, and he collapses back into Rafael’s arms. “Rafi, what am I gonna _do_?”

Oh God.

One of the two things they both dreaded, and it’s actually happening. Their hands are forced, and despite constantly thinking about the ramifications of a secret gay relationship with a mobster’s son, Rafael feels wholly unprepared.

He manoeuvres Sonny over to the sofa and just lets him cry, holding him as tightly as he can without hurting him. He feels like crying himself, but it’s important that Sonny can let it all out and finally find some relief from the emotional weight he’s been carrying for too long.

It could be an hour or just ten minutes, but Sonny finally calms down. Rafael keeps on caressing his back, pressing little kisses to his cheek and temple.

They talked about choices, or rather the lack of them, several months ago, so there isn’t much Rafael can say, except for, “my commitment to you stands. I’ll be there for you, whatever happens.”

\---

It takes Sonny an embarrassingly long time to get his breathing back under control, but his nerves have been shot to hell for weeks. A breakdown was overdue, really, and his father having a heart attack was just the last straw.

He can’t help but feel guilty that the reason he’s lost it like that isn’t even the health scare, but what changes it results in. The cardiologist more or less ordered Dominick to take a step back from work, which means somebody else needs to pick up the slack. In the short term, the family’s underbosses can take care of daily business, but soon enough Sonny will have to be the one pulling the strings, keeping the family together. Resting in his bed at home, his father had sent everybody out so they could talk, and he’d fixed Sonny with a stern look.

“I know you wanted to have more time and that you’re enjoying work with Rafael. It’s good that you know the law so well, but it’s time for you to take over the role you were always meant to play. I’ve called a meeting with all our partners in a week’s time, where I will introduce you as my successor. I’ll still be there, supervising, but you will have to be constantly available now. I won’t tell you where to live, whether here or in Manhattan, but before the year is out, you’ll be the boss in all but name.”

Sonny’s sure he must have looked desperate, but luckily his father attributed it to the shock of having had to rush to the hospital and the hectic hours that followed.

“I’m okay, son, you don’t have to worry about me kicking the bucket anytime soon. But you’ve finished your education, you’re back in the city, so why not give you control over the family business straight away, while I’m still around to help out?”

Sonny had managed a weak smile, said, “sure, Dad,” and fled the room.

Straight to Manhattan, and to Rafael’s flat, where he is now, clinging to his partner for dear life.

It’s not an exaggeration. There are lives at stake here, and hearing Rafael’s heartfelt declaration of support and faithfulness only brings Sonny to the verge of tears again.

He finally has this man, this brilliant, beautiful, wonderful man, and instead of showering him with the love and affection Rafael deserves, he’s only brought him pain and grief. He disentangles himself from Rafael’s embrace.

“You know what will happen, Rafi. Our lives as we know them are over. My father will never take no for an answer. I can only try and contain the fallout here.”

Rafael bites his lip, and frowns. “If you mean to say that we should break up…”

God. Just hearing the words is like a knife to Sonny’s heart. But he can't deny that this is what he means to say. It's the best solution.

“We should. If we’re not together, they can’t harm us. You can stay and still have your life –“

“But I won’t have you!” Rafael interrupts him, forcefully. “What sort of life would that be, seeing you every day and not being able to do a damned thing more? Do you want that?”

“NO!” Sonny half-shouts, half-sobs. “I want you with me all day, every day, but that’s impossible!”

Hearing Sonny’s anguished cry, the confirmation that being together but apart would be the same kind of slow deathly torture it would be for him as it would be for Rafael, an almost unnatural calm settles in Rafael’s mind.

He knows what to do.

“It’s not impossible. It just won’t work in New York.”

Rafael puts his hands on Sonny’s waist, reeling him in again, and Sonny wipes his eyes.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that we both will forever be subject to your father’s requirements here in New York. But if we went somewhere else, we could have a life without all the danger, and the secrecy. I still have a lot of contacts from my Harvard days and after, I’m sure it would take just a few calls to get someone to help.”

A brief moment of hesitation, during which Rafael most likely considers the scope of what he’s suggesting. “If you want to, that is. This is still your family we’re talking about here, and I don’t want to come between you and them.”

“Fuck that,” Sonny says insistently. “My family are a bunch of homophobic prejudiced Catholics who earn their living dealing drugs and trafficking people. And those who aren’t directly involved in the business never said a damn thing against all that hypocrisy. I’m done with them, Rafi. I can’t remember the last time being part of that family made me happy, but you…you’re everything to me. So if you wanna do a Bonnie and Clyde, let’s do it.”

He can see the relief in his partner’s eyes, but even more telling is the slight smirk when Rafael answers, “technically, that analogy doesn’t work. Bonnie and Clyde were both dangerous criminals. You’re a mobster’s son and I’m his _consigliere._ Not quite up there in terms of notoriety.”

Sonny snorts, because really, Rafael just can’t turn that snark of his off.

“Well, soon enough we’ll be neither. We’ll be just two regular guys, with no past but a whole lot of future.”

Rafael looks at him with so much adoration that Sonny feels it like a physical caress, and then he draws Sonny close to press their foreheads together.

“I love you, Sonny. So much.”

About ten minutes ago, Sonny was in tears, but now he’s beaming. “I love you, too, Rafi. Now, where do we go?”

Rafael kisses him, deep and sensual, until they’re both out of breath and have to separate.

“Wherever you want to, Sonny. I’ll take care of everything. I’ll take care of you, for as long as you want me to.”

With the path they have chosen, it’s impossible to tell where they’ll end up and whether they can truly escape Sonny’s family for good. But it doesn’t matter. They’ve made their decision, to stay together, and face one day after the next, secure in the knowledge that whatever happens, the love of their life is right beside them.

Sonny feels at peace.

“Forever, then, Rafi.”


End file.
